Friday, May 20, 2011

Revenge of the Krelboynes

Krelboyne: synonym for nerd, geek, someone who is gifted, the school genius.

For six years I have managed to escape working at the annual Field Day for our elementary school. Oh, don't think that my child's parent didn't attend.  I always "volunteered" my husband to do it.  Me stand in the blazing sun while other folk's children run around screaming in my ear?  NO. WAY.   I'd much rather schedule a few rounds of root canals instead.  Plus, I'm fairly sure that being a chaperone for this event means talking to other humans, something I'm not very good at anyway.  However, this year was different.  This was my son's last Field Day.  Next year he'll be a middle school kid who will probably cease acknowledging my existence, so I felt a little tug at the heart strings to witness his final hoorah at the top of the elementary food chain, and for as much as I hate to admit it, I was so glad I was there because his class - The Krelboynes as I call them - showed everyone in attendance today that brains can indeed win out over brawn.

My husband and I both signed up to be there today, and I asked my first grader to "pick Mommy or Daddy to be with your class".  Of course, she picked me, so my day was spent watching screeching kids with lackluster eye-hand coordination try to master carrying an egg with a wooden spoon around cones and cheating horribly at the limbo.  I dubbed this group of kindergarten through second graders the "Easy Criers" as every spill or head bump erupted into wailing.  I was placed on station nine of thirteen, so by the time the kids arrived, they were physically spent, soaking wet from the water station games, and could barely understand the directions to "walk with the egg in the spoon to the cone then turn around and come back".  Luckily, the three other moms working my station seemed to actually like children, so I was off the hook.  They did all of the explaining and handing out of spoons while I stood to the side and recorded names and times of each heat.

When lunch time arrived, I realized that this whole Field Day thing wasn't so bad after all.  Other parents were actually nice to me, and I didn't see any cleavage or inappropriate behavior, plus no one bossed me around or threw up on me. (Bonus!)  What I also realized was that I hadn't seen my son, the main reason for breaking my streak and showing up in the first place.  I had one chance left.  After all the children finished eating, the upper grades were participating in a tug of war, and the lower grades would be the audience.  Each class in third, fourth, and fifth grade competed against each other to find the winner for their grade level, then the third and fourth grade winners would duke it out to see who played the fifth grade winner.  The last class standing would be crowned the Grand Champion.  It would be a Kodak moment in the making, except that I didn't expect my son's class to win.  No way could the Krelboynes emerge victorious in this contest.

I call my son a Krelboyne.  He is in a full day class for academically gifted students, and it's an inside joke between us that his class is like Malcolm's class on the television show "Malcolm in the Middle".  I'm sure every kid in that room has a higher IQ than I do.  Even though there are a handful of his classmates who are athletically gifted as well, none of the kids are very big or  would stand out in a battle of muscles.  I saw the other classes, and I was sure some of these kids must have been held back a year or three judging from their size. I figured the G/T kids would be over powered in the first round of the Tug of War Championship, but what I didn't figure on was the idea that this battle wasn't a test of strength to these brainiacs.  It was a test of wit and ingenuity.

As the classes were preparing for the competition, my son's teacher gave his class a large piece of paper and told them that "this is science", and she instructed them to use their lessons from the school year to craft a strategic plan to win.  The kids based their plan on what they learned about balanced/unbalanced forces and friction.  They carefully decided where each child would stand on the rope and what their job would be.  Some kids leaned out in one direction while others leaned the opposite.  A few kids were "runners" who simply ran backwards as fast as they could.  They were attacking this Tug of War like the raid on Osama Bin Laden, orchestrating each student's move.

As the time came for the Krelboynes to take the field, the children quickly went to their designated spot on the rope while the other classes just assembled randomly in line.  The whistle blew, and to my amazement, they demolished the first class in three seconds flat. 

 (The first kid in line wearing a green shirt with blonde hair is Donald Trump, Jr. aka my son.)

They continued to dominate and obliterate each class they opposed.  In the end, they were crowned the winners of the 2011 Field Day Tug of War.  As the kids were leaving the field, their teacher called out to the crowd, "Yay for balanced and unbalanced forces!"  What a way to close out the year, proving what I have been saying all along...KRELBOYNES RULE!


  1. Geeks rule! (Also, there is totally a sitcome episode in this. You need to spec it and send it to the ABC Family channel.)

  2. Yes, as the mother of one, they absolutely rule!


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