Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Things I Hate

1. CD wrappers. Why do they make it so hard on me? Don't they want me to listen? I end up tearing it off with my teeth and saying bad things.

2. Local TV news. I feel pretty sure that there are other things happening besides car wrecks and 20-something punks shooting each other. Maybe if you quit running teasers about what's "lurking on my kitchen counter that might make me sick", I might consider ending my boycott.

3. My hair. Why was I cursed with awful hair?

4. Other people with good hair. If I see one more flannel-clad, comfortable shoe-wearing female with a head of luxurious hair stuffed into a ball cap, I will not be responsible for my actions.

5. Waiting. Please don't ever make me wait. I will hold it against you for a long time. I also don't like waiting for my birthday, waiting for Christmas, or waiting in line behind people who act like they have never seen an ATM before.

6. "Spaceballs".

7. Fake friends. I'm referring to people who want me to be their friend on popular social networking websites because they remember me from high school. Maybe they forgot that they never gave me the time of day in high school, but now I'm acceptable? Go have yourself another Zima and find some other wallflower to help soothe your karma.

8. Ugly feet. I'm not being snobby, because I have the worst feet ever. I'm just saying that I hate them all, mine included.

9. Stupid people. I know I'm not a brain surgeon, but I do know to sign all my checks and have my deposit slips ready when I pull up to the bank window. "No, ma'am. You may not apply for a car loan at the window." PARK YOUR CAR AND GO INSIDE.

10. Neighbors who don't mow their lawn in a timely manner. Cut your damn grass.

11. Bagging my own groceries. I don't work at the grocery store. I am tired of working part-time for free because they don't want to hire teenagers to bag my groceries. It's either waste my precious Saturday at the grocery store or bag them myself.

12. Dog hair. It is the sharp thorn deeply embedded in my side. I have swept up enough dog hair to sew 3 full-size English sheepdogs. When you get the word that I have been "sent off to the country to rest for a while", you will know the dog hair won.

2 comments:

  1. Amen to them all... but a special hallelujah to number six. I find it hard to believe that the same individual who made "Young Frankenstein" AND "Blazing Saddles" could put out that tripe.

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  2. Loved it all, but hell yeah on the dog hair! Where is all this dog hair coming from? He's a freaking chihuahua!

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