Monday, March 2, 2009

The "C" Word


I can only whisper that word. Cancer killed both of my parents and took a good swipe at two of my brothers. Now, it's talking smack to me.

I have a tumor. I saw it with my own two eyes. That bright white, evil invader was smirking at me from the blackness of the ultrasound screen. It's just sitting at the base of my neck, scheming. Of course, the results aren't in yet to let me know what kind of battle I have ahead of me. The waiting is the hardest part. (My little shout out to Tom Petty...) It may be nothing....or it may be my worst nightmare. I just assumed the nagging, uncomfortable feeling in my throat was the steady diet of emotions I swallow.

This isn't how it works. I eat all the right things. Don't you think I'd LOVE a hamburger?! I exercise religiously. I run faster than anyone I know. I do yoga every day! Where are those ancient, mystical healing powers when you need 'em? Hell, I'm a model of healthy living, yet here I am with a tumor growing inside of me.

I don't feel ready for this. I just buried my mom 6 months ago and I haven't put my Big Girl Pants back on yet. It's not like I get to decide, though. I look at the angels sitting around my dinner table and only one word comes to mind...


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